there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
