drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
