My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize