My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
