He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
