also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
