Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
