He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize