I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
