yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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