I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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