Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
