I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
