I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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