your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
