I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
