she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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