Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize