Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
