I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i out mim tonsoeep
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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