My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We got so high we made milksteak
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
