He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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