omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
