I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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