I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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