i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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