11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My ass is underappreciated
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
