I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
