Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
