I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize