a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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