Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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