imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
