If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
