afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
