I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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