He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
