I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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