I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
