this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
