Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
