I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think your dad took our porno
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
