i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
