if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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