Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
