well I can't set my house on fire every night
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
