Swine flu. Run for my life!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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