You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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