there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
