Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
