I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
