he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
