I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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