Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
