I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
