Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
