HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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