Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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