My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
