I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
