nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
