I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize