imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Your cock deserves a montage
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize