the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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