He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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