if you like me you must not know who I am
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize