so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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