We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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