your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
