She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
