The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
