i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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